how to become famous for your guacamole

I think it’s hilarious how much guac is misunderstood. The best guac isn’t complicated, and it’s definitely not hard to make well. It’s a humble little dish, with a handful of complimentary ingredients that join hands and SING in a brilliant symphony of chunky, tangy goodness.

There are two (maybe three) secrets to making exceptional guacamole:

  1. Use perfectly ripe avocados.
  2. Don’t add any nonsense.
  3. Chop onions, jalapeños, and cilantro neatly and evenly.
  4. Salt and lime appropriately.
  5. Don’t over-mash.

Okay, so 5 secrets. They’re all equally important. Allow me to explain:

  1. Use perfectly ripe avocados.Without ripe (or with overripened) avocados, your guac will flop. I’d recommend buying almost-ripe avocados a few days in advance, letting them ripen on the counter, and then sticking them in the fridge until you’re ready to guac-ify them. If you need a ripe avocado ASAP, remove the little nub where the stem used to be. Use this trick to determine whether the avocado you’re buying is perfectly ripe or too ripe.
  2. Don’t add any nonsense. You’ll see “guacamole seasoning” packets in the grocery store. Give them to your worst enemy. Guacamole needs 1 seasoning: salt. The rest of the ingredients speak for themselves. Put it down.
  3. Chop onions and jalapeño neatly and evenlyIf you don’t know how to chop an onion evenly, here’s your opportunity to learn. It might take a couple tries, but it’s a very valuable skill in the kitchen. Even chopping = even cooking. Of course, you don’t cook guac, but even chopping = even flavor distribution (and pretty guac). To chop a jalapeño, slice off the top and bottom, slice it in half length-wise, scoop out the seeds and white part, then lay it into a flat strip. Cut thin slices, and then chop those into tiny squares. Ta-da! 
  4. Salt and lime appropriately. Learn to add each of these a little at a time, tasting as you go, until you find the delicate balance between the acidity of the lime and the saltiness of the… salt.
  5. Don’t over-mash. Chunky guac is the best guac. To ensure proper chunkiness, place all your ingredients in a large bowl, and then start to mash it together. Don’t pre-mash your avocados, because you’ll do plenty of mashing when you’re mixing it all together.

Learn to make a good guac, and you up your cool factor by at least 7 points. Here’s my go-to recipe, to enjoy at your next fiesta. Happy Friday! Enjoy.


2 ripe Haas avocados

1/4 cup red onion, diced

1 fresh jalapeño, small-diced

1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped

juice of 1 lime



  1. Cut avocados in half and squish them out into a large bowl. Add your diced red onion, jalapeño, cilantro, and half of the lime juice, and a pinch of salt.
  2. Mix together gently, then add salt and more lime juice to taste. Be gentle when you mix, to ensure you aren’t turning your guac into a big pile of mush. Serve with anything your heart desires. (I recommend my 10-minute taco salad, or on top of a simple grilled flank steak. Or a big pile of nachos. #yolo)




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